I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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