remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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