when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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