I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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