the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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