yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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