I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize