My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize