Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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