I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize