She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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