If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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