Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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