I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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