Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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