my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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