we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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