so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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