Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize