I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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