i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize