It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize