Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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Less talking, more tequila
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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