Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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