probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize