If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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