Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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