No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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