he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize