How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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