I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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