My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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