Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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