you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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