My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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