Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize