So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize