she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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