I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize