the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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