What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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