well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cat gives me a boner
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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