the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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