I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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