I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize