i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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