Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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