stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My underwear smells like fireworks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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