I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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