I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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